kinda sorted out my feelings today. i think? although i don't really feel like myself. 

thinking back on this 7 month+ relationship, i've been really dumb, cheap, and stupid. can't emphasis how fucking stupid i am. it's funny how i developed feelings for him withn such a short period of time, and how he would fall for such a person like me. no figure, no looks, no good personality, no good points at all. during this relationship, i've changed completely from who i was before i was with him. i've become so selfish, so fake, so disgusting, so bitchy, so unreal. i started to depend on him, and everything i do would pretty much involve him. utterly disgusted with myself. good that i'm all alone now. 

nope, i'm not feeling sad just because of one damn person. its every single one of them. ever since things changed from last year August, i started pushing every single person who cared about me away. not sure if its the right thing to do tho. i just...did. i want to see them happy, but it seems like whenever i need them, they're not here for me. and when they need someone to talk to, i'm not the first one they turn to. seems like i'm not as important as i thought? but its ok, its alright. 

drank a little when i reached home. was feeling so miserable and i couldn't take it anymore. 

Goodbye.